Dark Yet Lovely Songbird

New beginings....

2010-10-02T23:28:00.000-07:00

I named this blog Dark Yet Lovely Songbird...and it is about time I wrote down some stuff regarding my thoughts on being a bride waiting for her bridegroom....

Please comment, as questions... lets dig deep together on these passages.

Smother Me with Your Kisses!

2010-10-02T22:47:00.000-07:00

" Let Him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For Your Love is better than wine." SofS 1:2
This exhorts us to believe God's word. That His love is truly better than wine or the pleasures of this world. That He still kisses me no matter what my decisions were in the past. He still desires me. " Lord reveal this truth more to me, give me a spirit of revelation concerning this truth." The Jewish Bible says it this way:

"Let him smother me with kisses from his mouth, for your love is better than wine."

Research:
smother: to surround (with) or envelop (in).
Kisses: To touch or caress with the lips, to put together, to handle, be equipped with ... from his mouth: He speaks truth. The Word. Your love: Divine blessed lovemaking or sexual love, Beloved.

So....

"Let him surround or envelop me so that I would be equipped with His Word, for your divine blessed love is better than this world."

My Lord, as your bride waiting.... surround me with YOU! Your Word, ...Kiss me, impart to me your truth, so that I would know that your love is better than wine. Equip me so that I can stand as a light of hope filled with your joy and truth. In Jesus Name. Beloved T

How Life can just change in an instant... or does it?

2010-08-28T08:12:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends,

This is not an easy to write, but important that you all know my heart and a personal update on my current situation. Some of you got this in an email and others... I didn't have your email to write you personally.

For some this is a shock and for others you knew this was coming. I have filed for Divorce from Garth. This was not an easy decision nor was it one taken lightly. I do not believe in Divorce and it saddens me that I have to do it.

After 6 months of marriage I knew this was an uphill battle, however I was determined to go with the blessing God had given me. To work it out, whatever it took. I was willing to do it. Now after 6 years of marriage I realized that God also does not want me to live in an unhealthy and unsafe relationship.

For the past 5 1/2 years we have been in counseling and trying to work it out. Last year Garth quit "working on it" and our relationship has become extremely unhealthy and unsafe for Elijah and me.. I am not angry, resentful or bitter. Matter of fact I would do it again because I have learned a lot about God, relationships and been given a wonderful blessing of a son! However, I need to move on and I have been given the release from God.

I am staying in Arizona with Elijah. I sold my house and moved into an apartment close by.

Garth has been living in El Paso Texas since end of February. He joined the Army and seems to like it so far. Please pray for him. That God could get a hold of his heart. To soft it, heal it and to turn him back to the Father. That he would not give up or feel the victim. Kind of interesting that the name "Elijah" means to turn the hearts of the fathers back to the sons and the sons back to their fathers. I never wanted this situation for my son, but I know he is in the Fathers hands. That God can fill in the Gap for Garth's and my lack.

Please pray for Elijah and I when you think of it.

I am clinging close to God at this time and He is my MAN! I am so thankful for my faith. I could not do it without it. I don't know how marriages without faith do it??

Thank you to all who have helped me over the years. You truly were Jesus with skin on. Bless you.

Loved & Blessed

Tanja

Great Deal at SAFEWAY

2010-01-24T18:58:00.000-08:00

This week there are some great deals at Safeway. I just had to come on here to share it.

Santias Toritlla chips
6 Rosarita Black Beans
Chinet lunch Plate
2 Sargento Cheese
4 blueberries

Normal cost is: 36.73 I paid for them: 10.83 That is a 71% savings!!!!

Basha's has some good deals too. When I go there I will post what I did there.

If you ever what to know how to do this.. I did give a class on it and am willing to do it again.

Be blessed this week!

A New Year, A new word to hang onto!

2010-01-18T14:42:00.000-08:00

Peter 1:6 “Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead!”

This is the verse I have been getting for 2010. It gives me great HOPE! After everything that our family has gone through this past year. Our marriage being tested, Garth losing both of his jobs, me getting less hours and on top of that God was asking me to TRUST HIM and not to take care of it myself by getting another job. As much as I think I know what is best. God really does know what is best, but I still have questions unanswered. Who is going to pay the bills Lord??? He told me He was. Guess what? HE did! Wow. Being faithful, trusting and obedient really works.

Of course I didn't just sit around, but God introduced me into HIS way of doing things. One of them was DAVE RAMSEY. If you have not heard of him or been introduced. Let me introduce him to you. He does finances GODs way. His manual is the Bible. I read his book in November 2008 and started doing his baby steps. Just by starting it and knowing which direction to go with our finances gave me much peace. It has been a little over a year since we have started to implement all of his ideas,and not only am I at peace but we are in a good place. That is what happens when you allow God to lead and be in control.

This reminds me of the verse Matthew 5:3-10. Yes.. you know it the Beatitudes!

We need him to do life! Their should be a painful longing for God in our lives. (insert Debt here)
If we do humble ourselves then we will have much to inherit. Don't you want to inherit what Jesus does??? Then Vs 6 states: He is our source of satisfaction in life. We just need to show up hungry. Are you hungry for true satisfaction?

Of course, out in the real world, weakness does not sell. But brokeness is a pre-requisite to wholeness. I was just hoping I would magically arrive at what I would like to be. Ha.

So... Here is the big news for all of our friends:

Garth has finally gotten his conditional release from the Army National Guard and is now going into the Active Duty Army. Yeah and not so yeah. He will be leaving Feb 24th for El Paso Texas. Hum... can we not escape the Desert? Elijah and I will not be joining him, for now. Possibly in a few months. We really want to know God's timing. I don't want to be stuck over there if he gets shipped out to Saudi or something like that. Plus, God does know what is best. If I take over, as Dave Ramsey says: You pay STUPID TAX. Which we have paid plently of that and don't want to do it ever ever ever ever again.

There is excitement for the journey ahead and also a bit of fear, but I really do have a peace about this whole decision. It is good for our family. With all things in life there are down sides, but there are also good sides. We choose to focus on the Lord. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God ..... "

Are you ready?

2009-10-18T21:47:00.000-07:00

*WARNING LABEL* This is some heavy and deep stuff. Stuff I am not totally sure of but this is what is on my heart. Questions and thoughts.

Lately God has put upon my heart a heavy burden He carries. The end times and being blameless and Holy. Recently I was talking with some Christian friends regarding this burden.. and they said our only job was to reach out to others and spread the Gospel. I agree to a point. We also need to be ready. Mark 1:14 states: "The time is fulfilled and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel." That little word "repent" is not so little. Have I allowed Him to search my heart enough? Is it totally open to Him? To weed out what is not of Him? I'm kinda scared to pray that prayer! But I must.

Father, Search me, Oh God and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts. See if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! Amen

Have you read the newspapers regarding the Health care reform and all that it might entail?? If they pass it, we will be paying to help others get abortions via our tax money! I wrote my Congressman but is that enough? I feel the need to repent for those that do not know what they are doing and for those who do. Save our nation God. Is America the Whore of Babylon?

(The Whore of Babylon: a former "bride" who has been unfaithful and who, even though she has been divorced and cast out because of unfaithfulness, continues to falsely claim to be the "queen" of the spiritual realm. She is usually associated with the the love of money & materialism. That the ultimate fulfillment of the Fall of Babylon will occur just prior to the return of Christ.) Wikipedia.

We are a place where Murder, Adultery, Consumerism, Homosexuality and much more that runs ramped! Something I learned today: Do you know that God does not forgive one sin? It is blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. (Matt 12:31-32)
Definition of Blasphemy: profanity, cursing, swearing; sacrilege, impiety.

What about this verse: Colossians 1:9-11 For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God: strengthened with all power according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously. Do I know God's will? What is on His heart? I need it if I am going to walk in a manner worthy of Him. To please Him... Oh I desperately want to please Him. I cannot please man. Learned that one going around the mountain a couple of times ;-) Do I know God? Know Him intimately? So that I might attain steadfastness, patience and joy!!! Yes YES I need this. Not just for now... but for the end. I know it is near. You read it in the papers. The "Dollar" is crumbling and a "One World" currency is drawing close. I need to get it down, because it is not getting prettier out their and fellow brothers and sisters will need help.

Oh Father! I plead Your blood over my sins and the sins of my nation! End Abortion/Murder, End Sex Trafficking, End Homosexuality, End Adultery, End Consumerism, End Lust, End Envy Send revival to America. ......................... Your Songbird

Dave Ramsey Crazy!

2009-09-11T22:41:00.000-07:00

I love passing on deals so here it is: Dave Ramsey is giving away $999 away each day until 9/18. All you have to do is text him the word of the day or go to his website www.daveramsey.com and fill out the form and you are entered!

Surrender, for I am Yours

2009-09-07T21:54:00.000-07:00

The dictionary's definition is: to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand b : to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another 2 a : to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner b : to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)

The last one is the one. To give myself over to GOD. So that He can influence me. These past few months have been tough. I am in the furnace and it is extremely HOT. Not liking it, but I know in the end the dross will be burnt off and I will be a shinny new RED pot ready to glow for the Lord.

There seems to be no end in site and the thing that I have to show for it so far is a song that the Lord has given to me. Let me share the lyrics to you:

COME by Tanja Shineman

Lord, I'm Broken
Lord, I'm Wounded
Lord, I'm Struggling to keep my faith

Lord, I miss You
Lord, I'm desperate for You
Lord, I'm Struggling to keep my faith

Oh.. Come fill my soul with laughter
Come restore my love for You
Oh come remove this doubt in my heart Oh Lord.. Oh Lord

Strengthen me to praise you
In these trouble times.

He, The LORD, has me right where He wants me and it feels yucky. It is trying me from every direction. I'm sure many people can relate. The conclusion: Only HE can give me more love to love HIM. Only HE can restore my wounds and increase my belief. I have nothing to give but my self. That is hard enough! The normal response is to hide and not be known. Am I willing to say no to the world, even when that means to confront family that is in the world? "Here I am, send me." I feel like God is cashing in on all those sayings/worship from my lips. TEST TEST.. what will I choose? How do you lean on God? I Thank God for Elijah and HIS provision. "Seek first the Kingdom of God...." yes yes.. that is the key. But that means risk and being known. I must respond to the call. It is my nature. I don't like the consequences of being disobedient.

There is no where to hide, but in HIS arms. Where I find peace, rest, comfort and healing. Why would I run from that? Ha... healing.. it is like open heart surgery without anesthetic. However when in the battle. HHHHAAAAAAAAAA not so much fun. Where did I put my sword and shield? How did it get over there? Darn it.. I thought I had enough oil. Will I really be ready? Hum... more prayer and face plants is all I can see in my future! :-)

To Move The Heart of God.. Be Yourself!

2009-06-13T19:56:00.000-07:00

Elijah's first swim lesson! I knew he would love the water, because he LOVES his baths. However, he did wanted to check out the whole place instead of listening and doing what mommy and the instructor was trying to teach us. The swim team was at the deep end and of course Elijah wanted to participate, not knowing what would it require of him to actually do so. I do realize he is almost 18 months. So on the first day I commented to the instructor.. " this is really to teach me isn't it?" Guess what the answer was? "Yup". I felt I was on Cesar Milan's show the "Dog Whisperer" getting taught that is was all about what I was or was not doing! The last 5 mins of swim class the babies got to go to the "beach" area of the pool and play with the toys. All the kids had a blast with that. I didn't realize High School Pools had "beaches" and slides. Fancy smancy! What fun.

SPLASH PARK here we come. I love taking Elijah to the splash park. The first time he went it took about 1/2 hour to convince him that the water coming out of the ground was not going to hurt him! By the end of it He was covering up the hole with his foot! Garth and I have noticed that he loves to pick up stuff. So.. here he cleaned the splash park by picking up the leaves and handing them to us. It is just a joy to learn to see him learn and grow. I bet that is how God feels about us as we learn and grow. My heart swells up about 60 times as large and I start tearing up. Forget about the line " My cup runneth over" My line is " My heart is going to EXPLODE" I assume God's line is" You make my heart move." Like Song of Songs 4:9 "You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride;
You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes,
With a single strand of your necklace" Even though I see my flaws, my darkness, my weak faith and love, He my King and Husband, still see's me as how He created me. I move His heart just by being myself. WOW.. nothing else can. Elijah moves my heart just by being himself! What an honor and privilege to have that emotion. When we talk about how hard marriage is and to keep it fresh, new and alive. Why do we go through the trouble, where are are perks?? (is that not selfish? But it is honest and true.) This is one of the perks, it is a huge perk. I love having my heart moved by my son! It happens almost every day. This makes me think of the song, I named my Blog after.

Dark Yet Lovely

Sarah Bedford

I can’t understand, this work of grace

How a perfect God would come and take my place

The stars they don’t move You

The waves can’t undo You

The mountains in their splendor

They cannot steal Your heart

This God who is holy, perfect in beauty

Awesome in glory is ravished by my heart

Though I;m poor, You say IO am lovely

Though I am dark, You say I am beautiful

Somehow my weak glance has overwhelmed You

Somehow my weak love has stolen away Your heart.

Hum... I wonder if I can try to put this song on this Blog... I will try. If I don't and you want to listen to it. Email me and I will send it to you. Be Blessed as I am! Just remember You move God's heart also and You don't even have to do a thing!! So I encourage you to be yourself. You know the one God created you to be!

The Begining....

2009-05-23T23:47:00.000-07:00

This Blog is about what I am learning in life, struggles, goals and what God is doing in the Shineman household.

Why did God create me? Not to sound preachy or bibley (is that a word?.. well it is now.) I have to believe that God created me for a purpose and my goal is to find it out and to live it. Cause I know He knows what I need and what fulfills me. With my experience in the past I "THINK" I know what is best for me, but that has not always turned out. God gives me my purpose to me in pieces, like a puzzle and I am trying to put it alt together. I know that I am His Songbird. It is a name he calls me and I love to respond in song. My heart leaps for joy and every fiber of my being comes alive. There is nothing more that I would love to do is sing for Him who gave me life.

I am on this Journey of life to keep pressing onward towards being like Christ, to be a witness through my actions towards my family, friendships, co-workers and other random people that I meet. I want to be ready when I finally meet my bridegroom.